Muse

Five years ago I walked thru a door and closed it behind me.

I entered a room that was bigger than expected. It was far more beautiful than I could have imagined.  It was full of all sorts of paths and journeys that were enticing, scary (in a good way:)) seemingly fun.  Paths I have always wanted to take, but never brave enough to do it on my own.  There was something intersting about this room though. It was full of all sorts of different uniforms. Each uniform hung up pristine and inviting ways.  And as if a child I couldn't wait for the opportunity to try each one of them on.  Whether it would be play pretend, or actually "fit, " the uniform worn, I was excited.  I tried on each one, some more carefully than others, and each one lead to a different adventure.......





Who had made this room?
Who opened this door for me?
Who invited me here.

I call him my Muse.

Some of you might know him better as Huckleberry
Or Fantastic Mr. Fox.


But most of you know him as David.



Five years ago today we were married.
My best friend. The one who knows me better than anyone on earth. The one who knows my deepest darkest secrets, and loves me. The one who said "be mine," and "I do."

He was the one who made an eloborate room called "this life with you," and opened the door for me.


My husband.



We met almost eight years ago in Kentucky.

I was at a point in life were I was so full of self conceit I couldn't see straight.
My dance career was my all in all but somehow still not enough.
I wanted more.
I wanted to be noticed.
So I decided to out my dance career on the sidelines and audition for New England Patriots cheer leading squad.
I was on my way to audtion, when my loving brother offered to pay for my way to a church conference called New Attitude.

He knew I needed one:)



I woke up the day of the audition and purposely stayed home.
I had been praying to our God who I thought had long forgotten me.
I was tired of the path I was going down.
Tired of the hurt I brought into myself.
Tired of driving my dangerously unsafe car.

I asked God to take over.

I went to the new attitude conference.

Little did I know that going there would have changed my life!

The conference was alot to take in.

I was raised Cathoilc and I was used to the traditional ways of the church.  At the conference I saw people rejoicing over the Saviour, and openly proclaiming His glory.

It was totally weird to me.

But them something else weird happened.

I was in the hotel room when I sudden downpour caught my attention.
The rain came down in sheets.
It was so strong, it was breath taking.
I grabbed my camera and went to the window to take a picture of it......I have always loved the weather.

I snapped the picture and saw something across the hotel way.
A pool!
I didn't know that was there!




The next day it was wicked hot.
Like humid and stagnant.
The conference meeting had let out and I couldn't get to the pool fast enough.  I didn't want to attend the next meeting as I was having my fill of all theses happy Christians.  I didn't get their happiness.  It couldn't be legit.

But it was.

So I went to the pool and sat down.

Within minutes a guy who had caught my attention days before say next to me.

It was David.

He thought I was there for a Beetles festival that was happening at the same time.
I thougt he was actually a cool Christaian.  (My feeble mind didn't know at the time they existed)


We started talking and never stopped.

We talked that day for hours.
We met that night to talk more.
The next day was the end of the conference.
We talked that morning.
And as I boarded the plane to fly back to New England, we were texting.

It was another month of phone conversations all hours of the night before David came up to Mass "to see about a girl."
It rained the day he left to go back to Maryland.
It was one month after that he told me he loved me during a rainstorm on his parents front porch.
(the rain has stayed a symbol to us)



Just a chance meeting at a random church conference?

I think not.

In the same month that I met the person I was spend the rest of my life with.  The man who would be the father of the child I hold in my lap at this moment.
I also found God
who truly never let me go.


My life started.

 Like really started that day at the pool.  My life as a Christian began long before in Gods Holy hands, but like Dorothy opening the door to Oz and color becoming evident in life,  so did mine.


Colors were more vivid.
The sky was always bright.
Grass greener.
Snow Whiter.
Life sweeter.
Fun, truly fun.




If I ever doubt Gods love for me. I just have to look at the rings on my finger.
If I ever think God doesn't really know me.
I just have to look at the man who carries my hand when it gets too heavy.

David is my proof of Gods love and existence.
And i get to spend this life with him.




We celebrated our five years married last night by going out to a nice dinner at our favorite restaurant.

David always being the one to have sweet surprises gave me a bracelet that I will treasure more than I can say.  But Im not good with sweet surprises like that.  I have never had the creative mind that gives someone special a meaningful gift.
I'm not good with that stuff.


Let e give you an example.

David, for my birthday bought me a brick at Fenway park (that is to be placed IN the wall of Fenway) with the day we met on it, and a I love You...... (that same birthday he bought me a gun. A brick and a gun for your birthday....he knew what would make a Boston girl smile:))
For Davids birthday I ....well I cant remember anything truly special I got him..

I can never top the thoughtfulness he possesses.

So for our anniversary I got .....

I got David a measly card.

But its what the card said that triggered this entry.

It said I could never write you a love letter because there aren't enough words.
And its true.

But that doesn't mean I cant try.

God has gifted me with words, and I want to do my best to share them with you.

Its my words that I can give to you David as a gift.

Like I did five years ago on that warm, (but snowy) January day. I can give you my words.

Like the song said "these three words, are not enough."
  They are not.
 The "I love you can," only go so far before its stopping point.  But the way I feel for you and the gratitude, admiration, and cherishment that I feel for you does not have an end.
I can tell you that in words.

So I hope as I type this and you read that you really do know how I feel.

You are my muse.
You are the one who truly DOES believe in me.
The one who makes me want to be better.
More sweeter.
To keep my thicker skin.
Who dances more than I do.
Who would give his daughter the universe if he could hold it.
Who is glad I'm from where I'm from.
Who whispers "it'll be ok."
Who never questioned my past.
Who never held wrong doings against me.
Who tells me I'm not like other girls.
Who likes that he got me into country music.
Who bought me cowboy boots, guns, ducks, and antiques.
Who lets me try things I have never been brave enough to try.
Who helps me relax.
Who inspires me to write.
Who listens to me talk about the existence of Bigfoot, werewolves, aliens and Chupacbra.
Who makes me laugh so hard at the same joke for the past eight years.
Who hears me complain.
Who thinks I'm pretty when I feel most ugly.



Who always says sorry first.
Who stands up for me, when I least expect it.
Who is proud of me.
who drove 300mph (kinda:)) to come to my dance competition just in time to see me take second place.
who always puts me first.
who misses Ash as much as I do.
who loves my family.
who feels part of them.
who is proud of being Irish


Who thinks I'm actually witty.
Who calls me smart.
Who ask me questions.
Who wants to know about my day.
Who spoils me.
Who would let me sleep in if I only had the mind to ask.
Who tells me I should have confidence.
Who cares for the way I feel.
Who helps take away pain.
Who helps me forget mistakes.
Who never stays mad at me.
Who works so hard at so many jobs so I can stay home and play Snow White.

Who teaches me about the glory of God.


Who tells me that there is no one better that could mother the child we created together.


And so like the Muse song that was our recessional David,
I will always be chasing this starlight that is our marriage.



I love you. Today. Tomorrow. And into Eternity with Our Loving Father.

Your blessed L.
Happy Five Years<3